My Divided Heart

It's difficult to adequately describe the division of your heart that happens when you live in, and learn to love, another culture and people group. You are never the same. You still love your home, but now your heart has grown to love another entire group of traditions, languages, sights, sounds and smells.

It's sort of like what happens when parents have multiple kids. They don't love their first child less when they have another. Somehow, they manage to love that second, third, etc. child just as much as the first, with the understanding that this new baby is a unique blessing from God, different from their first child, but just as loveable in his/her own ways.

So I'm always a little sheepish about telling folks in Costa Rica that I miss the U.S., or folks here that I miss Costa Rica. Am I devaluing their impact and influence on my life by acknowledging that there is somewhere else that is also special to me? But it's hard not to admit that wherever I am, there's a piece of my heart left behind. While happy to be with those that I've been missing (the glass-half-full part of me), I'm also sad to be away from others that I love (the glass-half-empty part).

More than missing a PLACE, though, I am really missing the people. When I am in Costa Rica, I miss many of you readers of this blog. Holidays with family, dinners or movies with friends, family time with friends who have kids who are friend of our kids. Homeschool community, recreational opportunities for the kids, birthday parties that pass us by as everyone's kids age (and grow) relentlessly. An apt word via phone or text just when I need it, because I am close enough for that friend to know what is happening with me just in that moment.

Things I have missed about Costa Rica while home on furlough are the same: I miss the people. Making Christmas tamales with Zeidy, talking with Alonzo about the hard question "where is God in this crappy world?" after giving a devotional that got him thinking about his beliefs, hugs from Yendry, Chio's sense of humor, Zumba class with my bible study girls, Karen's compassion, pedis with a fellow missionary, game nights with an intern, family movie night with Michelle in our midst. It's not about WHAT'S being done, it's about WHO it's being done with.

I even miss Andrew, a student that I had to kick of out of my English class near the end of a semester after he had pushed my buttons one too many times! After that, he respected me for drawing a boundary for his behavior and we became friends, oddly enough. I learned to challenge him (he mostly acted out because he was bored - he's super-smart) to help him funnel his energies. I encouraged him in his pursuit of learning to play the guitar, and he would ask me questions about God and theology (he's a wayward son of a pastor) after our devotionals.

People in the U.S. may think of Costa Rica as a beautiful place to vacation, nice weather, exotic animals, etc. But to me Costa Rica means the people that God has brought in my path to encourage, teach, serve, disciple and love (and also to learn and receive a ton from THEM!). Take them away and the allure for me is gone. People are our ministry and our calling in life, not a place.

Thinking about what I miss in both the U.S. and Costa Rica really brings home the fact that it's the quality of relationships that mark a life. Those of us with life-giving, purposeful relationships live in abundance. While those with a dearth of supportive and healthy relationships (or a wake of broken ones lying in their trail) live missing out on a key element of the blessing of God.

God created us to live in relationship, with Him and with others, no matter where He takes us: one country or the next, in a "secular" job or in ministry, at the kids' soccer practice or in retirement. May He always remind us that it's not about WHERE, but about WHO. Whether on the mission field (or on furlough), in church, in our job, on the street, at the library, or in the line at Panera's, God gives us people to minister to everywhere.

A season of transition

The third chapter of Ecclesiastes begins by saying, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven …” then it continues something like this, “A time to pack, and a time to unpack, a time to say hello, and a time for goodbye, a time to arrive, and a time to leave.”

At least, that’s the Sears’ family paraphrase of those verses right now, as we look back on the last two months and our transition from life and ministry in Costa Rica to our furlough here in the U.S. Andrea, who’s suffering from back pain, counted up that we’ve slept in 8 different beds in the past 7 weeks, including a lot of packing up, saying goodbye and moving to the next place.

We’ve now arrived at a home where we’re going to grow roots for the next two months and it feels really good, thanks to our good friends Ethan and Suzanne Vaughn, for whom we’re house-sitting while they’re in Sydney, Australia. God is good.

While we rest from some of those transitions, we also look forward to the next season that we’re really excited to share with you. After serving for 3.5 years in Costa Rica with Christ For the City Intl., we’ll be returning to serve as missionaries in Costa Rica, with our own mission and focus: giveDIGNITY.

The mission of the new ministry we’ve formed is, “to realize enduring life-change among the poor through Christ-centered holistic development initiatives.” We look forward to partnering with former teammates with CFCI in La Carpio where we share common goals, but will be narrowing our strategic focus onto the following three areas:

Employment: Productive work gives value and worth to every person.

Nearly 20% of youths in Latin America are neither studying nor looking for work. We’ll use a vocational training program and business network to teach job candidates to understand the job market, make career goals and execute concrete steps to achieve them, while developing the character needed to get a job, stay on the job, and maybe even get promoted, so that they can have the dignity of supporting their family.

Education: Learning improves quality of life and stops the cycle of poverty.

72 million children of primary-school age around the world are not in school. 57% of these kids out of school are girls. For every year of education a child receives, their future earnings increase, they wait longer to have children, they make better health decisions, and their ability to make their own meaningful choices grows. We’ll provide scholarships and support services to children living in poverty that enable them to continue their education, and we’ll look for ways to counteract the factors that cause them to drop out.

Abuse and Trafficking Prevention: Stop violence and victimization.

Human trafficking is the second largest criminal enterprise in the world today. It is estimated that 1.2 million children are trafficked each year, and the average age for entry into the sex trade is 12. The most helpless become victims in the desperate struggle to feed the rest of the family, or they bear the brunt from frustrated and powerless parents. We’ll work with young parents, visiting their homes to coach and counsel them on raising healthy children and using appropriate discipline and boundaries. We’ll work with girls at risk for human trafficking, teaching them of their inherent worth, showing them unconditional love, and intervening to prevent their victimization, providing rescue and shelter when necessary.

More than starting a ministry, we want to start a movement that affirms the dignity of the poor and recognizes the complex causes and effects of poverty. We’re convinced more than ever that God “has chosen the poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom that he has promised to those who love him.” James 2:5

This movement will be away from giving money and stuff, which is really a one-time transaction that doesn’t address the root causes of poverty and leaves recipients with feelings of inadequacy and dependency at best, or feelings of entitlement at worst. This movement will be toward giving dignity through relational investment toward life change that addresses the root causes of poverty.

If you want to be a part of this movement, here are some places you can start:

      ·         read a book like When Helping Hurts,
      ·         start thinking about where you give money and if it’s being used strategically to develop or give dignity to people,
      ·         support and pray for our new endeavor,
      ·         come and serve with us in a life-changing encounter with the poor, or
      ·         spend some time with us hearing more about our experiences in La Carpio, at our silent auction on November 10, during a small gathering hosted by you, or one-on-one.

 

And the Strongholds Come Tumbling Down

After our first few years on the mission field, I have come to view our ministry as identifying spiritual and emotional strongholds in people's lives, and trying to help them break out and move forward as healthier disciples of Christ.

Sometimes the strongholds are so dense that it seems like there will never be an end to someone's problems, that a new one simply comes along to replace the one that they just started to get a handle on. I've never seen such a concentration of people twisted up in such multi-layered dysfunction in such a relatively population. And yet, when I lift my head to take stock of all that God has done, it overwhelms me the changes that he has brought to bear in redeeming the lives of those that we love, and I can't help but thank Him and repent of my cynicism, because I know that He is surely in control here.

We have literally seen the power of God at work in breaking the bondage of:

• addictions (to sleeping pills and also to hard drugs)
• prostitution
• inability to ask forgiveness or forgive others for past hurts
• bulemia
• theft
• a spirit of provocation and violence
• self-mutilation
• living together unmarried
• lying
• distortions about the self
• gossip
• child abuse
• co-dependency and lack of healthy boundaries

These are not things that we can take credit for and say "look what WE'VE done." They are things that are beyond any mere human to accomplish. Only the power of God's word that is active and alive, prayer that acknowledges our dependence on Him, and the sanctifying presence of his Holy Spirit can accomplish what is needed here.

My discipleship group has started to study Beth Moore's Breaking Free, and it's really hit home with the girls. We've had to lessen the intensity a bit and take it slower than normal, but they're really engaging, doing their homework, and learning new things about God and what their lives should look like when they have Him with them. Despite opposition and lies from Satan about whether our group existed, and when it takes place, we've had 5 new girls join us in the last couple weeks. God will definitely NOT allow His plans to be thwarted when He wants to bring someone to freedom!

One of my greatest joys has been hearing family members comment on how the girls in the study have changed, and seeing sisters come to join us because the aroma of the gospel in the lives of those they love is so sweet to them that they want to check it out! One of the new girls is Meylin, Fabiola's sister. Fabiola has been in the group for some time. She can be kind of quiet and I don't always know what she's thinking or where her heart is. She's got the right answers, but you never know if someone's actually putting this stuff into practice, right? I know that her mother is very abusive, especially to Fabi and her sister, as they are the two oldest, and that Fabi has been struggling through forgiveness and not hating her mother for everything she does and says to them.

This week, Fabi told me that there had been an episode at home in which her mother did not like the rice that her sister had prepared for dinner. She demanded that Meylin sit and eat the entire pot of undercooked rice as punishment. Fabi and another of her sisters sat down in solidarity and compassion to help their sister eat the rice. Then Meylin confessed to Fabi that hates her mother and is plotting how to get revenge. Fabi counseled her, "I know that it's hard, but you need to forgive her." Meylin confessed that this was impossible for her. Fabi invited her to our bible study group, and she came, wanting to find out more about what it is that is helping Fabi to cope.

I am so encouraged by this story. First, that Fabi has compassion dwelling within her in a community where many siblings resent one another for being "competition" for limited resources and affection, and for frequently being the reason that the older sibling has to drop out of school (to care for the younger siblings). Second, that Fabi has matured enough in her own faith to counsel her sister about forgiving her mother and invite her to investigate the source of this healing with our group. And third, that Fabi's life has so obviously changed that her sister has noticed and is open to God in a way that she has not been before.

We've been talking a lot in our study about glorifying God and letting our lives be a reflection of His power and love. Fabi's doing it, and I'm so proud of the way she is giving God glory in a terrible situation. Now THAT is bringing beauty from ashes!

Peace, Andrea

There Are No Children Here

One of the most heartbreaking things about working with the poor is that the children have no childhoods. They are forced out of their innocence too early, forced to try to understand things that they shouldn't even yet know about, forced to make decisions that they are not ready for. Some examples are:

• kids trying to understand why dad left, has kids with other women, or would rather spend his money on drugs and alcohol for himself than food for his family
• kids laughing about shootings in the street outside their houses (a nervous defense mechanism), or another child being beaten in front of them
• kids being abused in every conceivable way and losing their trust early in the adults that should be there to protect them
• girls having to take care of their younger siblings at a very early age (like 7), and cook and clean the house for mom, either because she works or because she feels her children were born to wait on her, and then being told she's worthless when she's the hardest worker in the house
• teens that must walk the long way around to avoid the corner where the rival gang hangs out, to avoid a scuffle or violent attack
• teens that must decide at the age of 14 or 15 whether to have kids, continue school, or work, decisions that most 25-year-old Americans don't feel ready for!

I have very rarely seen parents try to shelter their kids in this context, maybe because they know it is futile. As a result, they are exposed to the hard and ugly truths too early in life. It jades them. They become hard and mistrustful, confused. Some become callous to their peers because "I've got it much worse than him/her, he/she should stop whining." This makes true friendships difficult to impossible, isolating them further from one of the only potential sources of support that they have.

MEET MICHELLE

Michelle, who lives with us currently, is a good example of the lack of a childhood.

She is the fourth daughter of an in-and-out-of-her-life drunk father and a violent mother. She watched her older sisters each take turns bearing the brunt of the abuse and responsibility for the house. One became a drug addict and prostitute who has had 6 or 7 children, several taken away by the government, never to be seen by the family again. Another became an alcoholic and prostitute, trying to kill her unborn baby in her womb by throwing herself from a rooftop (the baby lived and is still with her mother). Another was miraculously delivered and is a Christian in my bible study group who is married and takes very good care of her one child.

Then it was her turn. Michelle has been hit by her mother with cables to the point where she has faint scars still visible on her arms from defending herself by putting her arms in front of her body. She's had things thrown at her. She's been raped in her mother's house by strangers in the middle of the night while mom was home. She was frequently left alone with one of her younger brothers for days at a time by her father in a country shack without electricity, while he went on days-long drinking binges. I asked if she was afraid when he didn't come home. She responded that she was the first time, but then she got used to it. He would lock them in their bedroom when he came home drunk so that they wouldn't bother him.

But more painful to her is the verbal and emotional abuse that accompanied all this: the continual berating that she's worthless, that she doesn't need to go to school because she's too stupid to pass her tests, that mom is going to auction her off on Facebook to the highest bidder, that she'd better move out and find a man to take care of her (at 15 years old!) if she refuses to become a prostitute to contribute to the household like her sisters. Already one sister was taking her along on "appointments" to eat dinner or wait in another room, so that she could show her the ropes. Michelle came a hair's breadth away from her first "appointment" of her own, before she lost her nerve and started crying and asked to be taken home. Praise God that she chose not to pursue that life and to change directions!!

I share this so that you can BEGIN to imagine the pain inside of kids like Michelle. The way-too-early loss of the simple trust and feelings of safety that we feel all kids are entitled to simply doesn't exist for many kids in poverty. They have been abandoned emotionally and physically by parents too unhealthy to care for themselves, much less other people. When you look into their eyes, you see too much knowledge, too much sorrow, too much desperation, and too little hope, and it absolutely breaks your heart. You wonder what's happening to them at home -- some of them tell you and others don't want to talk about it. And you want to do nothing more than give them a few moments of love, of safety, of being cherished and praised and hugged and smiled at.

And you hope that to a few, it makes a small difference.

Peace, Andrea

America: Comfort as the Ultimate Moral Value?

I just watched an amazing video at www.180movie.com. I recommend you check it out if you're remotely interested in American views on abortion. It was interesting viewing it from the place of living in another culture, as a couple of things stood out to me in stark contrast to the culture where I live:

• the discomfort on people's faces when they were forced to examine logically their views on abortion,
• the almost automatic reasons that people give to justify abortion (rape, can't care for the baby, etc.).

Yes, it seems as though we've been well-educated by our society to give the answers that make us most comfortable about taking the lives of unborn infants, without really examining what we're doing or saying. What was it that Socrates said: "the unexamined life is not worth living?" Interesting comment on which life is not worth living: the baby's, or the one who says it's OK to kill the baby for our own comfort without really examining that position?

This I'm sure comes as no shocker to many of you who are still living in our post-modern culture every day and being bombarded with these messages. But to someone who has lived for some time now in a Roman Catholic country that truly has yet to enter post-modernity, it was a shocking reminder of Americans' willingness to sacrifice anything on the altar of their comfort.

Costa Ricans as a whole have no doubt about the existence of God or moral absolutes of right and wrong. They don't walk around with illusions that they are "good people" who will obviously go to heaven. If anything, they walk around with a fear of God that if they mess up bad enough tomorrow (and they suspect that they will, because they're realistic) and then die, they'll wind up in hell. Many really haven't grasped the amazing nature of God's grace toward them, and have no assurance of salvation as a result. Their worldview can be summed up in the following equation: I sin + God's mad = trouble for me! We found this was a recurring them among the youth at camp, and realized that we need to hammer this theme in our teachings for this year.

Unrelenting guilt has its own unique set of challenges, but one benefit is that there really exists a FEAR of doing wrong. Many of them wouldn't sacrifice their conscience for their sake of comfort, which seems to have become very easy for many Americans. (I'm speaking in generalities here: obviously there are many lovely Americans who fight against worship of their own ease, and there are many Costa Ricans that do understand God's grace and live a life free from condemnation in Jesus).

Let me give you a real life example: One of the people that I cherish and admire most in La Carpio is my friend Ceci. The abortion video made me think of her because she's a classic case that would be used in the States to justify an abortion. She was abused and raped by her stepfather for years, starting at the age of 9, I believe. At age 15, she was pregnant by him. In the States, this situation equals abortion for many, without guilt or judgment. Ceci had her baby (Tania).

She has had so many challenges along the way: having to tell her mom what happened, "breaking up her family" with the departure of her stepfather, being a single mom, the shame of people knowing who the father of her child is, difficulties with attitudes of her family members toward Tania and mistreatement of Tania due to her origins. All of these things are super-uncomfortable and could have been avoided with an abortion. But she has bravely faced them all, and more. I am so touched to see how she cares for Tania and obviously loves her greatly. She has overcome the greatest temptation of all in the situation: to blame Tania for her own existence, or for Ceci's added difficulties in life. So who is more "reasonable": poverty-stricken Ceci who has come to grips with the fact that Tania didn't choose how she came into the world and shouldn't be punished for it, or the well-educated upper-class girl in the U.S. who is willing to kill someone who didn't cause her situation in order to hide it?

I don't know if she ever considered abortion in her heart of hearts (it's illegal here, but you can still find a hack to do it), but what strikes me is that Ceci doesn't worship her comfort. She lives an uncomfortable life in many other respects, so when faced with one more thing to overcome, she bears up under it without making a plan to escape the discomfort. And do you know what? She has become a strong person, come to know the Lord and to trust in Him through these experiences.

I understand if a girl or woman doesn't want to raise a child of rape, so please don't misunderstand me and hear me saying that everyone in this situation should do what Ceci did. But when I think about all the abortions from this cause and wonder why they don't just give the baby up for adoption instead, I can only come up with one answer: it's more uncomfortable than just "getting rid of it" and keeping your secret. And there we reach the root problem: the primary decision factor is what's comfortable for the girl, not what's right or wrong!

Maybe this is a reason America is weakening: its individuals are simply too worried about their comfort and taking the easy way. The super-development of our culture has led to the elimination of many misfortunes and inconveniences that regularly befall others in the world. When they avoid any insinuation of hard times whenever possible, how can they grow strong? What will refine them? How can they make the hard decisions to do what's right if it doesn't feel good and comfortable to them? Could it be that we fail to develop real character when we skip over so many of life's potential hardships?

Ceci and others in my life here inspire me to check my own desire to be comfortable all the time. I notice it creeping into my life in all sorts of unexpected ways, and I'm confronted with my own desire for ease. Does this mean I should go looking for trouble? No, each day has enough trouble of its own. But maybe when it comes, I should bravely fight through it instead of looking for the quickest way to eliminate it...

Peace, Andrea

Youth Camp 2012 an Astounding Success!

In the last month leading up to camp, we literally felt that we were receiving emotional and spiritual punches right and left. We now know why the enemy was so determined to put obstacles in our way: God showed Himself so faithful and did so much more than we even imagined or hoped for in the lives of the kids we took to camp this past week, that every minute of the frustrations and doubting was worth it!

Here’s a sample of the frustrations and conflicts leading up to camp:
· serious interpersonal conflict on the team that just about kept several leaders from going to camp at all,
· difficulties in getting camp invitations out to many of the boys and worries that we’d have a low number of boys able to go to camp,
· working straight through the holidays to resolve said problems, and
· a last minute car problem that left Andrea and our kids + Michelle (our fourth child right now) plus all their luggage stranded on the side of the road on the way in to La Carpio to board the camp buses. Instead of making it in time to help check in kids and organize the departure, they arrived barely in time to hop the buses after waiting for a tow and a ride to La Carpio!

After loading 135 kids and 24 leaders on the 3 buses, we got on frazzled and tired and wondering what the next disaster would be (one of the three buses almost didn’t even make it over the hill to get out of La Carpio, it was so ancient!), but prayed to God that He would complete His purposes in this camp and move us and all of these logistical problems out of the way.

And BOY DID HE! We arrived at the camp safe and sound, checked in smoothly, and saw the kids begin to let down their guard and open up during the first recreation time of roller-blading, which many of them had never done before. Next followed a time of rockin’ worship and excellent teaching in chapel on moving from the darkness into light (the theme of the camp this year—Ephesians 5:8) and what it means to be a light in the world. We were overwhelmed when the preacher made a call to come forward at the end of the evening and 35 KIDS AND 20 TEENAGERS CAME FORWARD TO ACCEPT CHRIST AS THEIR SAVIOR OR REDEDICATE THEIR LIVES TO CHRIST. We prayed over them, and many were weeping and repentant, clinging to their leaders for support and encouragement.

We were left without words to describe how the Spirit of God moved in those moments. Even now it’s difficult to summon adequate words. Let me say that these are not typical church-youth-group kids from suburbia. These are kids who live in utter and desolate darkness, in families where abuse of every type is the norm, who steal, cuss, lie, threaten, push and take what they want because they’ve learned that they’ll get nothing if they don’t. They’re kids who’ve been on drugs, having sex, in gangs, and living every other type of nightmare you can imagine. We had what we thought were “reasonably” low expectations for the kind of change that would come about in their lives during camp, until God blew us away and showed us that He can do ANYTHING in ANYONE at ANY TIME!

After that first night, kids began to let their burdens go and confide in their leaders as they did things they’d never done before and never thought they could, including obstacle courses, jungle challenges, high ropes courses, a rock-climbing wall, and lake fun that included the most intimidating water slide ever created and a “blob,” as well as several other challenges. They studied the Bible in small groups and learned how to move from darkness to light, what our identity is according to God, and how to stay on the path that God has for us when we go back into our daily lives. Stories like these came out:

· “I was raped by my cousin when I was 9.”
· “I need to move from the darkness into light, but I don’t know how to take the first steps.”
· “My dad held a knife to my mom’s throat when he was drunk and asked me if he should kill her.”
· "My parents say that I'm worthless."
· “I’ve stolen since I was 7 and been taking drugs, but I’m tired of who I am and want to change.”
· “I’ve known Christ and have all the right information, but have wandered in my heart and sought fulfillment elsewhere, but I want to come back.”
· “My mom wanted to sell me into the sex trade, but now I’ve seen a different way to live and want something more for my life.”

Imagine the misconceptions that these kids have about God living in this community! We had opportunities to identify fallacies about who God is and what He wants from us at every turn, and it was a healing balm for these kids that are so deeply wounded. About 15 more kids went forward on the third night to make a commitment to return to La Carpio as a light in that community and be set apart as an agent of change.

The last day, one of the female leaders indicated that Jessica, one of the gals in Andrea’s weekly bible study, indicated a desire to be baptized during a discussion about how we can identify with Christ. This was not a part of the agenda, but after the teens went through the jungle challenge (a completely nasty, wet, and muddy obstacle course) and were washing off in the lake, we just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to do the baptism right then. It was a precious moment to symbolize to the kids that washing off the filth of our sin and being washed clean in Christ is what faith and the act of baptism is about. We had only a fraction of the teens with us in that moment (probably 25), and 4 others came forward after Jessica to make their declaration public and be baptized as well! Lesson learned: ALWAYS finish camp with a baptism celebration for those who have made decisions to follow Christ and are ready to take that step!!

The crazy thing about that special time was that Jessica nearly didn’t make it to camp because she didn’t have anyone to watch her 3 year-old daughter and her husband had to work. Until the night before, she was lamenting that she couldn’t go. When I showed up to get on the bus, there she was! When I asked how she had worked it out, she said her husband got time off work at the last minute and told her to go ahead and go. So we saw once again that God ordained every detail of the camp and what He wanted to accomplish there: if Jessica hadn’t taken the initiative to be baptized, the others wouldn’t have had the chance either and we wouldn’t have learned what a beautiful end to the camp it could be. Even the camp staff was surprised and excited at this new idea and may begin to mention it as an idea for the other groups that come through their camp all year.

To wrap up this post, we are praising God for His surpassing grace and ability to move any obstacle (including us!) out of His way when He has something to accomplish. He filled us with energy and positivity during the camp that we simply didn’t have going into it and we know didn’t come from inside of us! We saw specific growth in Jessica, Yendry, Michelle, Wilbert and Cristian, who participate in our weekly discipleship groups and for whom we have been praying and into whom we have been investing for months and months. We saw very high walls of rebellion, pride and isolation come down. Now we pray that God will give us the wisdom and resources to shepherd these kids all year long and help them to grow and not lose the momentum that they found during camp.

P.S. An encouraging exchange and a confirmation from the Lord that yes, these kids CAN hold on to what they learned at camp once they’re back at home:

Yendry texts Andrea today: "Oh, it’s so hard for me to stay quiet when they yell at me." (referring to her parents - this was not a thing she would have been trying before camp)

Andrea: "Pray to God to ask for patience, humility and an attitude of obedience and respect toward them. Remember that God has changed YOU, but not them yet, and He wants to reflect His light to them through you. God justifies you and sees every injustice and you don’t have to defend yourself, just trust in Him to do it. I am praying for you, too – you don’t know how proud I am of you seeing the steps that you are taking toward the light and your hard work! Keep at it and God will produce fruit in your life and in your relationship with them. And keep confiding in me and relying on your other Christian friends for support! You don’t know how much I have begged God on your behalf this year and how much joy it gives me to see you receiving so much blessing and comfort from Him."

Yendry: "Thanks. I know it’s hard but I am not alone. I know that God is with me and I will push forward whatever it costs, because I am not darkness but light. How beautiful are your words that give me encouragement to keep fighting. I never imagined knowing a person like you. May God bless you because you are of great blessing to me and you don’t know how much I love you."

(Honestly, out of a desire to not boast or be self-aggrandizing, we debated whether to include Yendry's last statements about Andrea, but decided not to edit her sentiments. We remember Paul's words in 2 Corinthians about not boasting about ourselves, but boasting about Christ. We know that what kids like Yendry see is Christ living in us, and HE is who they are falling in love with when He works through us and gives us the privilege of being His instruments.)

My Torrid Love/Hate Relationship with Costa Rica

At times I struggle to adequately communicate and contextualize our lives here to the folks back "home." How to explain the joy of bringing a smile to a child in poverty, alongside the seething frustration of waiting in 4 lines at the post office for 2 hours to receive a simple care package? How to share kingdom advances next to the daily perils of driving in absolute chaos? How to adequately summarize a calling where we'd rather be no where else than a slum filled with violence and gangbangers eyeing you every time you pass by, wondering if this might be the time they choose to take issue with your presence?

Sometimes I wonder how I can complain about a country with nearly perfect weather year round, and some of the world's most beautiful beaches within a few hours of driving. Other times, I wonder if I can spend one more second in a country where I am ripped off at every turn because of the color of my skin. Seriously, we can't make this stuff up. If you think I'm exaggerating, even the socialized GOVERNMENT sets health care prices that are double for foreigners what they are for Costa Ricans. How to explain to THEM that there are some gringos who AREN'T rich, and that missionaries are some of them?

Then there are relationships: we love some Costa Ricans and fellow missionaries that we've met here, but we hate that some of our best friends and families are so far away. We love getting to know new missionaries passing through, but we hate seeing them go. We still love homeschooling the kids, but we hate the social isolation that it causes here for the kids and our family. Are you getting the idea?

Most times we are reluctant to share the negative aspects of life on the mission field, because we don't want to complain or perpetuate some self-aggrandizing idea that we're martyrs, unless of course we can make it into a funny story afterward. But the bottom line is that sometimes it's hard. And more importantly, no matter how hard it feels, we're always 110% sure that we're where God wants us, which is what gets us through the discouragements and frustrations of day-to-day life in Central America.

Seeing Jessica come to Christ, baptizing Walter at a leader's retreat a couple weeks ago, providing a place for Michelle to live after her mom decided to sell her into the sex trade, being available to counsel a family in crisis, THAT is why we are here. In one short week, we'll be taking 120 kids to camp and bombarding them with love and messages from Jesus for three straight days. Satan wants to distract us with a million tiny irritations, alongside a generous dose of relational dysfunction. But God wants to show us that our comfort is not what's important in this life, and that His kingdom purpose is worth any risk or sacrifice. Who will we listen to?

The quote of this month about being content with what happens has challenged me greatly to trust that whatever happens is from the hand of the Lord. If I really believe that, shouldn't I be willing to let go of my own plans and whatever kind of life that I think is fair for me to lead here, and trust that it is better than what I would choose? So I will challenge myself to allow God to do the hard work of forming me more and more into the likeness of Christ, be it through temporary sufferings or immeasurable and eternal joys.

Happy New Year, friends, Andrea

What is poverty?

It's interesting to see the reactions various people have when they first visit La Carpio, the slum we work in. Besides commenting on the fetid, rotting-diaper smell wafting over the property from the dump across the street, most responses fall into two categories.

The typical response (common for youth groups) is that there should be a sign hung over the entrance that says something like, "Abandon all hope ye who enter here!" These individuals usually leave with a romanticized image of the people they meet, thinking, "wow, what amazing people that can endure living in such a place without adequate food, water and financial resources. They must have great faith!"

The other group is comprised of the worldly travelers, the people that confidently state that they've witnessed firsthand much worse suffering in the squalid slums of Brazil, the refugee camps of Sudan or any number of hellish places tucked into the dark corners of the earth. I can't argue; in fact, I agree, there are worse slums here in San Jose, Costa Rica.

However, the interesting thing for me is that both viewpoints are primarily based in the evaluation of a place and the suffering of the inhabitants--that is, the level of poverty--primarily from the viewpoint of the severity of lack of money and the things that it can buy. Sometimes it feels like the people are on display in a dehumanizing "poverty zoo" for North Americans to observe and photograph.

I've begun to challenge our missionary team and volunteers at New Horizons, where I serve as director, that the lack of material goods, while severe, isn't the real poverty we are confronting. The real poverty is lack of relationships--especially healthy, life-giving relationships that are based on trust.

This relational and emotional poverty stands evident all around us. To a girl, the participants in Andrea's Bible study all confessed that they don't have a single family member or close friend in whom they can trust to share what's in their heart, or what they're struggling with. To a man, the participants of my study fear sharing weakness or need, knowing that the usual response to these things in their community is mockery and attack. So, people live in a mentality of "wound others before they wound you," be it with words, casual indifference or outright lies. This creates a cycle of relational aggression.

The apostle Paul addresses this behavior in more than half of his letters. When he calls people to holy living, to live as "children of the light," or to live righteously, he addresses this poverty of relationship. He calls out the sexual immorality, idolatry, anger, hatred, envy and covetousnous of the world and encourages his readers that "in other times" or in the past "you USED TO practice these things."

Typically we read these verses and feel chastised. I know I do when I read about anger or selfish ambition and I feel convicted. But Paul wasn't writing these things only to chastise and reprove, he wrote to ENCOURAGE that there is another way to live. If we live according to the flesh, we'll live in a poverty of relationships, in the horrible poverty of estrangement from our Father, and alienation from those around us. But if we live according to His spirit, we'll have a new way to live, we'll have the option to live in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Isn't this what we all desire at the core of our being? Isn't this the universal poverty that strikes at the heart of our common, shared existence regardless of our financial situation? Aren't we really the same inside with respect to the poverty inside of us? This is the heart of the Good News: that we can be reconciled, forgiven and restored--replacing our poverty with the abundant life Jesus promised.

Lord give us eyes to see past the dirt, the worn clothing, and the tiny shacks to the suffering and poverty inside: lack of a voice, broken families, feeling like a spectacle, oppression, loneliness and isolation, feeling that there is no one to trust or turn to for compassion. These are the primary things the Lord wants to address in their lives, and the things we strive to work with Him in.

Peace and grace,
Seth

Praise God -- Jessica Comes to Christ This Morning!

I write today with a heart brimming over with joy, because another stray sheep has found its way home and joined the flock!

One of my first memories of Jessica, 19-year-old mother of 2-year old Brianna, is walking in on a conversation between her and Callie, a short-term missionary that spent a year with us. Jessica was new to the Institute and explaining that she didn't want anything to do with "church" because she obviously had baggage about past experiences, but that she was interested in God. It was a good moment to encourage her to seek God, separate Him from the church which is made up of messed up people, and that congregating with other believers nonetheless is an important part of one's spiritual growth and journey.

In that moment, I thought, "Wow, she's hungry, but she just doesn't know where to get fed." I immediately felt an affinity for her refreshing honesty about her feelings about spiritual things, her wounds that I could identify with, and her refusal to give up on God by maintaing a seeking and humble spirit.

For those reasons, she was one of the first girls that I invited to participate in my discipleship group when we started in April, and I prayed and prayed that she would come. She has participated faithfully, taking notes, sharing and asking questions and growing in leaps and bounds. She's begun to share about changes she needs to make in her life, obviously feeling conviction in some areas. At last week's bible study, she shared that she'd been experiencing temptations like never before, strange things that she's never wanted before, like going out to the bars to dance. Chio, my Costa Rican discipleship partner in crime, and I encouraged her that Satan was obviously ticked off about her growing near to God and throwing her extra stumbling blocks to try to keep her from Him.

This week during our regular morning devotionals at the Institute, I spoke yesterday about the perfect love of God versus the broken love we humans can give, and Chio talked this morning about the story of Nicodemus and the "rebirth" requirements of gaining entrance to heaven. After the devotional, Jessica went to Chio and said she was ready to be reborn! They prayed together and Chio texted me right away with the good news.

God has done an amazing work in Jessica's heart, and I thank him for the chance to be a small part of it. I share the process as I know it just to share Jessica's story and her steps in coming to the Lord and things He may have used to draw her to Him. But the reality is that it was not our conversations, our friendship, our bible studies or devotionals, or our wise words that brought her to this place, it was all God! We can plant and water, but only He can make the seed of faith grow. Why I don't know, but He deigns to use lamed and weak gardeners to accomplish His purposes, and I am so grateful to be included in His plan for this special girl. Ministry in this context is sometimes brutally discouraging, but fruit like this makes it all worthwhile!

I praise God for Jessica's salvation and for the impact that I know she will have as a believer in her family, the Institute, and the community of La Carpio. She is a beautiful, fun, and outgoing person and will radiate the sweet fragrance of Jesus. Please join me in praying that she will continue to grow to maturity in Christ and glorify Him, and that God will protect her during this vulnerable time from the enemy's attacks, in which I'm sure he will be trying to convince her that it didn't count, that it doesn't make any difference, and that her decision will not change anything for her. But we know different...

Joyful, Andrea

The Sweet Aroma at the Entrance to the Garbage Dump

I'd like to tell you a little bit about A., a troubled young man in La Carpio. He joined Seth's carpentry program last year, but had to be suspended because he couldn't get along with the other students, to the point that things culminated in a fist fight with another student. After that, he made himself scarce for a while, but then returned regularly to play soccer.

Several items were stolen from other kids who played with him, and he soon got the reputation of being particularly untrustworthy, which is saying something in a community where most people already trust no one. He has recently told Seth that his parents trained him at age 8 to pickpocket with them downtown, and regularly invite him to partake in drug use with them.

A. has begun to see that living a life of theft and aggression, isolated from others, doesn't taste good. Despite having had no positive parental or moral instruction, he wants to try to change his life. He's starting finding reasons not to hang out at home so that he doesn't smell like drugs, and to stop having such sticky fingers. Not surprisingly, the other kids are finding it difficult to believe and are slow in accepting that he's turning over a new leaf.

Recently, he told Seth what a hard time he's having in trying to change his life. Seth was able to share with him that it's too difficult when we try to do it on our own, but that God can change our lives FOR us if we will trust and allow him to remake us in the image of Christ. It seems that A. has made an earnest appeal to Christ in the past, but felt afterward that "it didn't take" and nothing changed. It reminds me of the seed from Matthew 13 that was immediately eaten by birds, scorched by the sun, or choked by thorns. Without anyone around to encourage and disciple him in his new faith, and with Satan whispering in his ear that none of that would do him any good, and with a hostile environment actively sucking him back down into the mire, is it any wonder?

So now I get around to the connection to the title of this blog. A. recently asked Seth, as they sat on the grass at New Horizons, "Have you ever noticed how it feels different here?"

Seth asked, not sure of his meaning, "Compared to where?"

A. responded, "Compared to the rest of La Carpio. It just feels really heavy and dark walking through the third and fourth bus stops to get here from my house, but once I come in, things feel different, lighter and better."

This is an amazing answer to prayer that brings tears to my eyes as I write it. We have been praying that our mission's property would be just that, a beacon on a hill, a safe and nurturing place among so much dysfunction and violence, an oasis of peace, and a place filled with and protected by the spirit of God. And A., a youth who needs all these things more than many, is noticing!

Interestingly, not long before this conversation, I received a special verse from a group of women who came to do a retreat for missionary women serving in Costa Rica. They spoiled us, ministered to us, and blessed us in so many ways! One way was in giving each participant (there were 50 of us) a special verse from the Lord that was meant for her. These women didn't know me at all, so this wasn't any sort of a compliment or anything that they would have observed about me, but this was the verse that I received:

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in His triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place." 2 Corinthians 2:14

How beautiful is that? I prayed over the verse, asking God to make it true in La Carpio and everywhere else we have the ability to exhibit the "aroma." It makes me laugh, but God is powerful enough to put his sweet aroma right at the entrance to a foul garbage dump (in case you've forgotten, that's where our ministry property resides)! He is great, indeed!

Peace, Andrea

Missionary Kids Make an Impact, Too!

OK, we apologize for being so lame and not posting in so long. Many times I have had a profound thought about our ministry and thought, "Hey, I should write a blog about that," and then just not gotten around to it. This summer has been crazy busy with short-term teams visiting from the States and keeping them busy in La Carpio, so we've been mostly surviving instead of reflecting. ;-) Sadly, I've forgotten most of my profound thoughts, but I have hope that they'll come around again one day and I'll scribble them down before they escape again!

I did want to share some special comments that have been made in the past few months about how our family works, made by folks from La Carpio. So many times we think of the kids of missionaries as people that get toted along by mom and dad, but don't have a specific role in the ministry themselves. Annabel has helped me for a year every Saturday ministering to 8-11 year-old girls, and those girls look up to her and imitate her and want to know where she is if she can't make it one week. She's an obvious example of how missionary kids can serve alongside their parents.

But I think ALL missionary kids have a profound role in the ministry of their parents, regardless of their age or ability to engage in formal "ministry," and here is the proof: when you spend a lot of time with people as a couple or as a family and they come into your home, they notice how your relationships work and begin to comment on them. Several times in the past months, I have heard things like:

• "Your kids don't really fight with each other, do they?"


• "So, your husband helps you around the house?"


• "So, you don't think you'll ever get a divorce?"

Now, let me say that the first isn't entirely true. Of course, our kids have their moments of irritation with each other. But to people who come out of a community where siblings view each other as competition for VERY limited resources (of love, food, attention, toys, etc.) and they have to fight and scrap for every ounce of those things that they feel they are entitled to, our kids' relationship is nothing short of revolutionary.

We are being watched very closely to see how husband and wife respect or tease each other, how parents respond when their children do something they don't like, and how children react to each other in varied situations. These things are as important as anything else in our ministry, because they give testimony to the love of God that unites us as a family, and show what we preach to be real. Please don't interpret this as bragging about how we've got the perfect family and have it all together, because that's not at all my implication. It's just that we as a family have a unique ability to witness with our relationships and be an example to others of how God intended a family to function, and how it can be different from the dysfuntional situation that they may be in.

Missionary kids also heroically make sacrifices so that their parents can help others. Our kids give up some of the time they should get with their parents without complaint so that we can be in La Carpio helping other kids. They've made themselves meals when we've been delayed or both of us have had to be somewhere together. They've shown maturity and grace in having kids in their home that can be difficult to manage, destructive, or hard to get along with at times. I hope never to abuse this generous disposition and make them feel that "they lost their parents to the Lord," and pray that we will always carve out time for our own family and not let ministry take precedence over the well-being of our own kids (a struggle, I might add). But for now I think they understand that doing the work God has called us to is worth some hardships.

So you see, our kids have an integral role in our ministry, and I'm proud of the impact that they are having on families in the community through their behavior and their own pursuit of God and desire to serve others. When other kids see them and want to have what they have inside of them that makes their life so much more peaceful, they've done a great job for the Lord!

The Weak Prey on the Weaker

This past month has been a good illustration of the roller coaster highs and lows of our ministry. We've seen depravity and sin, but in the midst of it, glimmers of hope and joy as well.

This past month brought sad and discouraging news to the community of La Carpio:

• A new student at the Institute of Life, where Andrea teaches Monday and Friday afternoons, made a serious attempt at suicide when she jumped from a 300 ft tall railroad bridge that spans a nearly dry river full of huge rocks and boulders. Angie had made at least one previous attempt in November before coming to us. The socialized health care system gave her a psychiatric appointment in April. After spending three weeks talking in my class about the tongue and how we use our language to reflect the beauty or ugliness we have inside of us, some of my students threatened her after school one day and told her never to come back because she was different and they didn't like her. She obviously has other problems going on as well, but cited this as one reason she made the attempt that day. Miraculously, she survived, though her lower right leg was injured so badly that they had to amputate it at mid-shin.
• Two days ago, a woman was shot and died in the street in front of at least one of her daughters. A neighbor woman had been jailed as a result of this woman's complaints to the authorities. As revenge, the jailed woman's son made a homemade gun, waited for the neighbor woman to come home, and shot her in the head in cold blood. This woman leaves behind three daughters, now motherless and even more vulnerable. The daughter who witnessed the shooting and death had just heard a message earlier that day from another of our missionaries about how to have the peace of God rule in your heart.

It's so hard at times to see up close and personal that the normal human reaction of people (without the intervention of Jesus in their lives) is to hurt, steal, be selfish, kill, and when one feels poor and oppressed, find ways to impoverish and oppress others. It's stark and ugly, but it's the truth. In a community this hardened, it's much harder to put on the rose-colored glasses and imagine that we can be "good people" without God. You see 2 types of people: those who want to drag everyone down with them into destruction, and those who have found God and the strength to fight what's happening around them. There isn't a lot of in-between.

It's also evident that Satan oppresses these people by trying to invalidate the very truths of God that are coming to them from the mouths of missionaries, to steal them away like the birds who steal away seed from the fertile soil so that nothing can grow in the parable. "Say what you want to hurt others, it really doesn't matter...," "There can be no peace in your life in these circumstances..." It's a very real form of spiritual warfare intended to keep this community in darkness and chaos, and it can be discouraging at times to those of us who are trying to keep throwing out the seeds.

Thank God that He gives us glimmers of hope that enable the people in the community, and those of us serving them, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, like these highlights:

• A team of friends from KC came on a short-term missions trip with Perception Funding. They spent a week loving on kids by distributing 200 pairs of shoes, toothpaste, toothbrushes and Beany Babies; painting; building a skateboarding 1/4 pipe for our skateboarding ministry; making lunch for 30-40 boys each day; repairing rundown nets and fencing that was damaged in a landslide earlier this year; and beading and playing soccer and other games with the kids that participate in our ministries. They blessed us as a family, and our ministry "kids", tremendously with their energy, hard work, and commitment to serve in the name of Christ.
• Kids "earned" a pair of shoes by collecting a bag of trash from the property (trash blows in off the garbage trucks and from the landfill next to our property, and the kids throw trash down too). I got misty seeing some of the kids first pick out shoes for their parents or siblings before they found some for themselves.
• A very hard-hearted young man in Seth's discipleship time admitted after participating in a devotional that he didn't want to be there before, but that God had touched his heart about his motivations for serving and where his heart is right now.

Please pray with us that these glimmers would grow into strong midday rays, mighty works of God that transform this community from the inside out. Because when He gets inside people, there's always change on the outside for the better. Only He can make things like mercy, forgiveness, compassion, generosity, and kindness rule in La Carpio, or anywhere else in the world.

Peace, Andrea

Unjust or cruel exercise of authority or power

On Monday, January 31st our family waited in line for about an hour and a half to pick up our "cedulas", or resident visa ID cards, from immigration. In some ways, this was a momentous occasion for our family and a significant milestone in our journey as missionaries--the culmination of more than two years work gathering documents, having them translated into Spanish, chasing down stamps from various government offices across San Jose, all at the cost of several thousand dollars (thank you to all who gave!).

We could've hired a lawyer to shepherd us through the process, but I guess we were itching for a fight and thought we'd be good stewards and save two or three thousand dollars by going it alone.

As we left immigration that day, I didn't feel as exuberant as I'd hoped. Something was bothering me. You see, we turned in all of our documents back in April of 2010 and were told that we could expect our visas within a month. We had completed all of the requirements to gain residency, but during the next seven months we were lied to, ignored and mistreated.

Twice I had to take the chairman of the board of directors for Christ for the City in San Jose with me to immigration to get past an imaginary hurdle. Eventually, a Costa Rican friend of ours intervened and talked to a friend of his at immigration. Within a week, we received formal notification of the approval of our request for residency. Three more mysterious, maddening months would go by before we received our visas.

Reviewing all that had happened in my mind, I realized that what was bothering me and had taken the joy out of us finally receiving the cedulas was the fact that I felt totally devalued by the entire process. I was treated as less than human because I am a foreigner, and they had the power and I did not (the title of this post is Webster's definition of oppression). For someone growing up in one of the richest counties in North America, this was not easy to swallow.

But gratefully, I realized what a gift it was. That fleeting bitter taste of injustice in my mouth didn't taste so bad when I compared it to the cruel exercise of power that the young people in La Carpio live under daily. I realized that it was a gift--that temporal taste of oppression, was a glimpse into what it must be like for people in poverty.

I believe the root cause of poverty is spiritual. The non-poor oppress the poor for monetary gain, taking advantage of their lack of power or resources to subjugate them, which is sinful and unjust. Likewise, the poor often manipulate, lie and cheat their peers in order to try and survive. There is very little romantic or holy about poverty in a slum like La Carpio.

An eight-year-old girl told Andrea and I this weekend how her mother locks her in a small room for hours so the mother can go out and drink. This young girl loves to go to school, to flee her mother. She wanted to spend the night with us, but without her mother's permission, we had to refuse her.

Through the prophet Amos, God told the people of Israel that they would be exiled for oppressing the righteous and depriving the poor of justice. He rejected their sacrifices and ceremonies, saying he preferred that "justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a swift-moving stream."

We know there's no hope for the people of La Carpio except the kingdom of God. Please pray with us that the kingdom of God, and justice and righteousness, would roll on like a river through this slum.

With hope in Him,
Seth

Girls Going Against the Grain

Did you know that approximately 25% of girls in developing countries are not in school, and that of the world's 130 million youth not in school who should be, 70% of them are girls?

I see this inequality in the education of girls in La Carpio. It seems to be more important for parents that their boys go to school and get their education, but that their girls stay home and help them around the house and raise younger siblings. One of my 11-year-old girls yesterday told me that she came here from Nicaragua 2 years ago, and she didn't get enrolled in school until this year. Most of the primary-school-aged girls I know have repeated multiple primary grades, and most of the secondary-school-aged girls I know have dropped out of the system. They're just too far behind, the broken system hasn't served them well, they can't afford to go anymore, and it's just too humbling to be a 7th grader when you're 19 years old.

That is why I am so impressed with the girls that come to the Institute of Life at the Christ For the City facility in La Carpio where I've been teaching. Their male counterparts are spending the day sleeping, doing drugs, hanging with their gang buddies, stealing, or playing soccer. But while the government system doesn't serve these girls, they are willing to try our alternate system and continue their education. They WANT to learn, in a community where girls are not encouraged to do so. They are persistent in their studies, taking tests 2 and 3 times before passing a grade, in a community where others give up and figure "what's the point?" They will not accept that they are dumb, in a community where those around them literally tell them so and treat them as objects. I have realized how much courage it takes them to live a life that is so out of sync with their surroundings, and it makes me love them fiercely and feel more proud of them than probably most of their own mothers do.

It is with this pride that I share with you that all 5 of the girls that took the government tests from my math class last semester passed their exams!!!!!!!!! Why is this such a big deal? What does helping some girls pass one more year of math have to do with sharing the gospel as a missionary?

First of all, math is what holds all of them back. They have holes in their past education that bars the path forward in this subject and it's the big, scary monster for most of them. Most of them have tried and failed in the past. They are learning some important character lessons about perseverance, diligence, honesty, and prayer, and I get to be there to encourage them in it. By helping them with this very practical need that they have, I earn the right to be a part of their lives and share spiritual truths with them as well. And THAT'S what I'm really in it for!

Secondly, Jesus taught about meeting practical needs in Matthew 25 when he said that when we feed the hungry, clothe the poor, visit those in prison, and show mercy to the needy, we do it to HIM. He commands us to help the poor, and warns that he takes it personally if we don't.

Finally, according to studies of the developing world, here are some of the amazing consequences for impoverished girls when we minister to them:

• An extra year of secondary school raises a girl's eventual wages by 15 to 25 percent.
• When a girl in the developing world receives 7 or more years of education, she marries 4 years later and has 2.2 fewer children.
• Medical complications from pregnancy are the leading cause of death among girls ages 15 to 19 worldwide.
• Girls who marry before age 18 are twice as likely to report being physically abused by their spouse as girls married later.

So you see, this victory for these truly extraordinary girls has a ripple effect through their whole lives: their physical health, their ability to make good choices about who they marry, when and how many children they should have, and their ability to provide for their families one day. But it's not just the girls themselves who are affected:

• Research in developing countries shows that there is a consistent relationship between higher levels of education among mothers, and better infant and child health.
• When women earn income, they reinvest 90% of it into their families, compared to 30-40% for men.

Are you getting the idea? These girls' decisions to push forward affect the future generations of their children, making it more likely that they can stop the cycles of poverty and abuse that are so rampant in their community. Don't we think this is what Jesus wants for them?

I share this not out of a desire to show how "important" the work we are doing is, but to connect the dots for people far away from our work on why we bother doing it and how we think it impacts the kingdom of God. To show how truly great the victory is for these girls when they do something seemingly insignificant like pass a math exam and move on to the next grade level. And to tell you how admirable each of my students is for going against the grain in La Carpio.

For each girl who sticks with it, though, there will be 3-5 others who drop out and give up. Please join us in praying that God would strengthen the resolve, educationally and spiritually, of the girls of La Carpio, give them success and confidence, and the encouragement and power to go forth and change their world!

Peace, Andrea

Why don't I feel you, God?

This was one of the responses last Saturday when some of my girls, aged 8-11, were challenged to write down their questions for God. Each week, the girls at The Refuge journal a response to a question of my choosing. It helps me to get to know them better individually (because I read each entry and give stickers and comments of encouragement each week), and it is good for them to practice writing and spelling, which can be a challenge for many of them. They wanted to know why they couldn't see or feel him, why their parents or bad people act in certain ways, and why Jesus died on the cross for them, among other things. Man, this is my sweet spot -- I saw a great opportunity to share the gospel with them in a way that answered their questions at the same time!

This was not in my lesson plan, but reading their questions touched me and led me to create a series of studies called "Questions for God." Many of the girls don't even realize that the answers to their questions are in the Bible if they just search for them. Many of them are from nominal Catholic families who see the Bible as something the priest reads, not them. Some of them see it as a boring book of commands and rules, not as a source of life and wisdom. I wanted to show them that the Bible is accessible and full of truly useful information to begin to grow a love for God's word in them.

Today, we studied verses that tackled the nature of God. We answered the questions "What does God look like?", "Where does God's power come from?", "When/where was God born?" and "How did He create the world?" I think their attention was as rapt as I've ever seen it during the lesson today, because these were answers to questions that they themselves had posed, so of course they were interested!

Next week, we'll tackle how to know God, why Jesus died on the cross for us, and how we can feel his presence. And the final week, we'll talk about evil and why bad things happen. Each week, the girls memorize a verse to earn points toward going to camp in January, and I'm thrilled that they are cataloguing God's word in their hearts and minds in this way so that the Holy Spirit may use it to reach them, convict them, and encourage them in moments when they desperately need it.

Please join me in praying that this series will be a rich time of study for us together and that the girls will develop a thirst for God's truth that will drive them to search out all of the answers to their questions in the Bible.

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8

Peace, Andrea

Learned helplessness

One of the hardest things for me to understand in the lives of the young men I'm working with in La Carpio is their fatalistic worldview. Nearly all of the boys I encounter on a daily basis have little or no desire to work, to learn or to improve their lot. Most eat maybe one meal a day. Besides a shower, the only other activity they have day after day, is playing pick-up games of soccer. A psychologist would likely diagnose a majority of them with "learned helplessness."

Learned helplessness is (from the Encyclopedia Britannica): "A model of depression in which exposure to unforeseen and adverse situations gives rise to a sense of helplessness or an inability to cope with or devise ways to escape such situations, even when escape is possible. Learned helplessness often occurs in children who are raised in harsh social environments where success is difficult to achieve. They suffer motivational losses and are very resistant to training."

Ironically, Andrea and I are both engaged with trying to instill training and discipline of one type or another (be it academic studies, vocational preparation, pursuing God, following rules, etc.). We have definitely noticed these characteristics strongly present in the youth of La Carpio.

Two sad examples of those "unforeseen and adverse" situations occurred last week. Alex (one of the young men in the carpentry program) was the neighbor of 9-year-old Stuart. Last Monday night, Stuart was playing in the street with a group of kids when a gang fight broke out. Stuart was shot in the eye and died shortly thereafter in the hospital. A woman, also an innocent bystander, was wounded. Later in the week, around noon on Friday, a 12-year-old girl was shot by a boy a year or two older than her.

When I talked to Alex about what happened, he told me the details matter-of-factly, almost as if he was reporting something on the news. His face was impassive and blank. I couldn't get a read on his emotions. Besides wrestling with anger, the combination of the randomness of the violence, its senselessness and the young age of the victims made me feel sorrow. It dawned on me that being raised in such an environment, would inevitably lead to feelings of despair and a fatalistic worldview. These kinds of events happen with regularity in Alex's world. It must be so easy to conclude that it's really not worth trying or persevering in life when it can all end in a random, harsh moment.

However, despite the sorrow I feel over these two recent killings, I know there's hope for the boys in the carpentry program, the girls in Andrea's classes and other young people in the community. Besides the growth I've seen in the boys as they've learned to work and devote themselves to something, and begin to take pride in the work they do, I've also seen them grow in the knowledge of Him in whom we place our hope.

Peace,
Seth

A Day in La Carpio

Hi there, sorry we haven't written in so long. After illness, moving house and entertaining visitors from the States, we're finally getting back in the writing saddle! Thought I'd write some detailed images/reflections of what it's like to work in La Carpio, where I teach math to teenage girls on Mondays and help run a girl's club on Saturday afternoons...

Driving across a land bridge to an outcropping of earth in the middle of a rock quarry/garbage dump, you notice piles of garbage on the sides of the road and charred spots in the grass. You realize what these are for when you see people jump on the garbage truck right in front of you (smells terrible!) and start pulling out bags to scavenge. Some of these people are kids. I once saw a kid of no more than 12 do a stunt that involved jumping on the moving truck, climbing up the back and walking across the top of the truck, all while the truck continued moving. They pull bags open on the side of the road and look for useful items or (among other things) metals that they can extract by burning. They can sell copper, aluminum, etc. for pennies per pound.

Gangbangers stand at each bus stop and stare at you with hard faces as you pass by. They don't threaten you, but rather stare through you. It's hard to tell what they're thinking and if they would want to harm you. There are 5 gangs in La Carpio, one for each bus stop. The bus stop you live closest to is by default your gang.

Everything seems broken in La Carpio. Ramshackle houses look like they are sliding downhill into the ravines on both sides of the encampment. Walls made out of corrugated tin sheets, bars everywhere (but this part is normal for Costa Rica), foam mats to sleep on inside houses. Mud walkways are the only way to get to many of the houses. If there IS a road, it's full of potholes. You don't see policemen or taxis. The small of garbage permeates everything and the lack of greenery to hold down the dirt makes it fly up and stick on your body. "Palsy dog" welcomes me as I enter the CFCI gate. Goats eat out of the trash dumpster outside. The bathrooms may be out of order, the water may be off, the internet for the computer lab may be down, your cell phone may not get reception, the ladder may be broken, your things may be stolen if you're not careful about locking them up, the whiteboard markers may be missing -- no telling what kinds of obstacles may fill your day today, but they certainly have a mysterious way of multiplying in La Carpio. Sometimes each day seems like a battle just to do the simplest things that we would take for granted in the plentiful U.S.

You work with kids that are so different from you in some ways that you may as well be from different planets. This is a place where kids are not like the ones you know: eight-year-olds who don't know their own birthdays, 10-year-olds who still can't spell their names, girls who have babies themselves, sisters who take care of their siblings and keep the house clean for their moms, brothers dead or in jail, young men with no motivation to do anything because they have no hope for a better life. Ages of students don't match up to grade levels due to multiple dropouts for jobs, babies, sibling care, illness, etc. Abuse of all kinds is normative. Girls are taught that they exist to take care of kids, clean, cook, and satisfy men. Boys are quickly ground down by the lack of opportunity, and fall prey to a mass learned helplessness, believing "it doesn't matter what I do, so I may as well _________."

Here are some of your students:

While other students doodle boyfriends' names in their notebooks, Nazareth doodles "Jeremy" with a heart around the name. Jeremy is her 3-month old son. Sometimes I get to hold him during class so that Nazareth can work. Tania and Surjen, other children of students, also hang out and occasionally demand the attention of their mothers or others. I won't forget the first time that Karen started breastfeeding her baby in the front row of my class without covering herself, though now I'm used to it!

Kassandra has to leave now at lunchtime to care for her 3 younger siblings in the afternoon. She misses study time and the valuable opportunity to have a hot lunch (which we provide every day for our students), when most of the kids in Carpio get only one meal per day. Her head is always down like she's waiting for me to yell at her.

Dayana has trouble concentrating because she is hungry in the mornings from not eating breakfast. I've taken to bringing birthday snacks and food prizes to have an excuse to give them something to eat during class.

Marjorie has recurrent headaches that make her miserable and send her home from class every now and then. I think she suffers from migraines, but doesn't have access to medication. She also frequently sleeps during breaks, leading me to believe she doesn't get much rest at home.

Ana Cecilia had to drop out of my class because she found a job in a hotel to help support her 4-year-old daughter Tania. She is 21 and was in my 7th grade math class.

Jareth stares off into space during break times and cites "problems at home" as the reason she looks so sad so often. I hope one day she'll confide in me what those problems are.

These are just a few of the girls I work with and a sampling of the problems they have. I love each of them, and I'm amazed at how they all do 2 things at the same time: (1) mess around, laugh, sing, dance, giggle, and have fun like the kids they should be, and so desperately want to be, and (2) be hard, grown up beyond their years, and pessimistic in their outlook.

I know that many of you have been wanting some specifics about what our life/work is like here, so I thought that describing the smells, sights and people would be an interesting way to share part of it with you. Am I complaining about how hard it is to work in La Carpio? Not at all. Just trying to describe the facts of the matter. I love what I'm doing, and I know that God has me there to be an agent in the process of bringing earthly hope and eternal hope to the girls and young women in this community. I also know that I am learning as much as my students are! Perseverance, patience, contentment, generosity, and thankfulness are just a few of the lessons that they teach me every day.

Humbly, Andrea

Divine encouragement

This morning I went to visit the Abraham Project, an orphanage outside of San Jose that's run by a missionary couple I've been wanting to meet. Unfortunately, the couple had just left on furlough, but I sought out the foreman of the construction project they have going on because I heard they might be willing to donate some wood for the carpentry program in La Carpio.

I approached Orucu and introduced myself. I asked him if they had any leftover wood. He said no. He explained that most of the campus had been built using recycled wood from pallets. I began to think the entire trip had been a waste of time. Then he told me that they were going to give us some wood from what they had in order to be a blessing to us. I was encouraged, and he and I began to pull some pine and douglas fir scraps from an immense pile of wood, taking care to avoid the multitude of rusty nails.

Before becoming the construction foreman for the Abraham Project, Orucu had been a pastor in the South of Costa Rica. He began to question me about the youth I'm working with in La Carpio and what kind of challenges they face. I confided in him that oftentimes it's difficult work because the young men in La Carpio have little or no desire to work, and trying to motivate them and build character is a difficult, lonely endeavor.

Just as I finished talking, I saw a man walk out of their woodshop, about 50 feet away. He walked right up to me and without introducing himself, began to talk. He told me, "Everything you do in ministry for the glory of God is known. It is written down in heaven. The work you do is for the glory of God and it is known to Him."

I thanked him and we shook hands, and then he turned and walked back to the shed where he'd been working. I turned and looked at Orucu. He'd taken off his hat and was cradling it in his hands. He said, "This is from God." He smiled and blinked back tears. "This is from God. Years ago this man came and prophesied about what would come to be here at this location, what we see now, what he's working on."

I replied that I was in need of encouragement and marveled at how this man who didn't know me came and gave me what I needed. Orucu just smiled and praised God. Praise God that He knows us intimately, knows our very needs and wants to meet them in practical, unexpected ways.

Encouraged,
Seth

Pray, for peace

On a recent trip into La Carpio, I stopped at Rener's house to pick him up to take him with me to the workshop. He beckoned me inside and I could tell from the look on his face, something was wrong. I went inside to find his mother, Claudia, sprawled on the couch and his grandmother pacing nervously.

Claudia had a heart attack three days prior to my visit. Her heart had stopped. The paramedics revived her on the way to the hospital. After two days in ICU, she was discharged. She has no insurance and I guess they figured she was stable. Clearly, Rener, Claudia and grandma were hoping I could do something.

I pulled a chair next to the couch and placed my hand on her shoulder and we prayed together. I prayed for healing. I prayed for provision for the family. I prayed for peace and comfort. Rener and I left a little later and we continued onto the workshop in silence. Throughout the day, I thought of Claudia's situation, and also the lives of some loved ones near and far who are going through tough times. I began to feel angry and impotent, wishing there was something I could do practically, immediately and see some results. I didn't want prayer to be my first and only response in the face of a lot of suffering.

In his letter to the church in Philippi, Paul exhorted the saints to, "... not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

God has really been challenging me to turn to Him in prayer, with thanks, as my first option, rather than when I've exhausted all my futile efforts. So selfishly, I'm trying to pray, for peace, and to honor Him as the giver of all good.

Peace,
Seth

A Glimpse of the Puzzle

Isn't it a beautiful thing to see pieces of a puzzle fit together when you didn't even realize they were pieces to the same puzzle?

Recently, we have focused our teaching at The Refuge in La Carpio on preventing drug and alcohol addiction. These girls are at-risk of abuse, addictions, early pregnancy, you name it. I realized that some of the women at the addict home I visit for Bible study might be an encouragement to them. These women have powerful testimonies of what it is to make mistakes and lose everything, but to be found and loved by Jesus and learn that He is enough. The past 2 Saturdays of the program, I have taken my friends Maria-Eugenia and Clara to share their testimonies with the girls.

It was a special time for both groups. The first Saturday, Maria-Eugenia shared the pain and disappointment that her alcoholism and life on the street has caused her and her family. She poured out her broken heart after having fallen again into temptation after 9 years of sobriety. She wept as a mother would and pleaded with the girls not to destroy themselves and make their situation worse by abusing substances as an escape.

The second Saturday, Clara echoed many of Maria-Eugenia's exhortations. She shared her estrangement from her entire family even now after her battle with drugs. She warned the girls that it all begins with one little cigarette, one little drink at a party, a friend or boyfriend who pressures you to try something. Most importantly, both women testified to the power of God and the love of Christ in their lives, to their dependence on Him in every moment to see them through.

Our girls, about 30 each Saturday, ages 12-18, sat transfixed and taking to heart every word that they said. We were able to discuss some concerns that some of their girls have for their friends that are beginning to get into drugs. We shared and discussed several bible verses about how to resist temptation and the tools that God gives us to do so.

The beauty of seeing this unfold was witnessing the mutual blessing that they were to each other. The women were touched by the youth and potential of the girls, and by the knowledge that many of them would see or are already seeing many trials and pain due to substance abuse. Maria-Eugenia and Clara saw that they had something to offer in ministry because of their life experiences, not in spite of them, and that God could use even those painful memories to declare his glory to others and show them victory in Christ. The Holy Spirit used them in a way that He could not have used me because of where they've been, and He gave them words to minister to those hurting girls.

The girls were supportive of the recovering addicts and encouraging, one of them even giving Clara her craft for the day as a gift (if you knew how much these girls treasure their crafts, you would understand how special that is!). I know that they will not quickly forget the genuine love and compassion that was shown for them by these amazing women, and that they will remember the hope and forgiveness that Christ offers them even when they do fall and make mistakes.

It was awesome to see God put together people in 2 completely unrelated ministries in a way that was used for the mutual edification of each. His ways are mysterious and beyond understanding, but perfect in every way!

Thankful to be a part of it,
Andrea